In October of 2012 I remember receiving a call on the Saturday of General Conference. I wasn't watching it, I think I was actually watching one of my favorite shows. My best friend had called and said, "did you hear that boys can go in missions at 18, and girls can go at 19?" I remember thinking," Well that's awesome", but actually feeling really scared! Looking back, I think that was the first time I had actually recognized the spirit prompting me to do something. I met with my bishop a few days later and told him all about it. Within about 2 weeks I had received a patriarchal blessing, started my mission papers, and sent them in.
I entered the MTC on March 27th, 2013. The whole experience was a whirlwind and I remember learning each gospel principle for myself as I was being taught to teach it. How backwards is that? I recall one instance when we were role playing; inviting others to be baptized. I was facing my companion and I bore my testimony (the very small one I had) and invited her to be baptized. I felt a happy feeling expand inside me and a warmth come over me and we both started to cry. I said out loud, "did you feel that?" like I had never had that feeling before in my life, and in all honesty I don't think I had. My mission since that time has been made up of small experiences like that one instance in the MTC, and in hearing the announcement from President Thomas S. Monson that October Conference.
I was called to "Invite others to come into Christ by helping them receive the restored Gospel, through faith in Jesus Christ and his Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost and enduring to the end." Little did I know that I was learning how to do that myself. As I taught the amazing people I was blessed to meet. I learned from them, and their example, I saw their faith grow, and their characters change. My testimony grew as theirs did, my faith grew and I learned how much my Savior and Father in Heaven loved me. I began to see purpose to each experience and trial I had and was going through. I learned what the Atonement of Jesus Christ meant to me personally as I saw it take action in heir lives, and I learned how to rely on the spirit to guide me as I heavily relied on it to help me teach the people put in my path. I often felt like Nephi when he said, "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." I saw that each principle I relied on the spirit to help me teach I was able to truly learn myself. I learned to trust Him,
"12 And now, verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good--yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit. 13 Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy; 14 And then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive." (D&C 11:12-14)
I found my heart changing, I wanted to study and I loved it, I wanted to pray, and I looked forward to church each Sunday. I felt a deeper love and understanding for each person I met and their circumstances. I was able to gain a testimony, a deep love of The Book of Mormon and its truth by using it to guide me through my own trials and by teaching others to do the same after reading it for the first time at age 19. Teaching the gospel helped me feel filled, full of love, and made me want to be the person Heavenly Father wanted me to be, not only that, I actually felt like I knew who that person was. I wanted others to feel that love, understanding, and wisdom that this gospel was helping me feel each day despite our circumstances. I had never felt that before, and now I can't imagine life without it. I am so grateful for the tiny promptings and feelings of the spirit that brought me to today. I'm a completely different person because of that. I now recognize that this Gospel doesn't change our circumstances but it changes the perspective we have of them. It brings us happiness in our trials, and it allows us to use our own experiences to strengthen us and those around us. I feel like Heavenly Father is directly talking to me when he said to Jacob,
"2 Nevertheless, Jacob, my firstborn in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain"(2 Nephi 2:2).
I have gained a better understanding of my Heavenly Father by teaching others his Gospel, watching them live it while trying my best to do so with them. I watched my own weaknesses and trials become my strengths as I relied on The Lord. As I did so, I saw this happen to me,
"27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (Ether 12:27).
Now I know that my own personal life experiences or my "weaknesses" don't determine my destiny, my choices in them do.
I am grateful for the opportunity I have had to serve as a full time missionary for this church, the true church. I have gained self worth, compassion, understanding, patience, knowledge, wisdom and relationships I wouldn't trade for anything. I have been overjoyed and blessed to watch those I have met do the exact same thing. Life is so much better when you get to go through it with the ones that you love, and grow to love. This Gospel is seamless and it has been restored for us to enjoy, and live to the fullest. I was taught the gospel when I was younger, but now I KNOW that it is true for myself, and I KNOW that he has a plan for each and every one of us, including me. I know know that it is never too late to find a testimony of the gospel for yourself.
"15 And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!16 And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me! 17 Behold, you have my gospel before you, and my rock, and my salvation." (D&C 18:15-17)
